Words of Advice from a Seasoned Foster
Folks who are struggling with letting go of your foster dog… you are not alone. In fact, the number reason people say they could never foster in the first place is because they worry they would get too attached. They say, “I would never be able to give them up.”
Is it hard to let go of a foster dog — a scared soul who arrives lacking trust and skills, who you care for, comfort, and train? Absolutely, yes. Many fear that by handing their foster dog off to an adopter, the dog will feel abandoned, yet again. Others just worry they will be emotionally wrecked.
OK, so that happens. Temporarily. (This work is not for the faint of heart.) But once you get through the suck, the whole process is incredibly rewarding.
Fosters say it helps to keep the big picture in mind — that you saved that dog’s life, and without your efforts, the dog would be dead. And of course, when you foster you’re really saving two lives — the dog in your care and the dog who took that one’s spot in the shelter.
And, do know, it does get easier. Fostering is a skill! As with any craft, learning from those with more experience is super helpful.
So, without further ado, here are some pearls of wisdom from seasoned fosters Rebecca (and John) on what to keep in mind when you are having a hard time letting go of your foster dog.
*** A full post on why you should heed this advice is here ***
“I cry every time. And that look of confusion and wanting to follow you when you walk away from them? Gut-wrenching. Remembering these things always helps me:
1) I’m going to feel terrible for a while, but that’s part of the process (for me, at least). It’s not my favorite part, but at least it’s predictable, and there’s something comforting in that. I know I’m going to cry. I know I’m going to feel terrible. I know I’m going to worry. And I also know that I’m going to get over it.
2) Dogs are resilient, and once they’ve bonded with one person, it’s easier to bond with someone else. It’s also easier for them to go from a good place to another good place than it is to go from a bad place to a good place. In other words, it will be easier for them to go from your good home to another good home than it was to go from a shelter or being homeless to your home. For most of the dogs I foster, mine is the first good home they’ve ever had. It’s hard for them to learn to trust a person for the first time, which is part of why it feels like such huge betrayal to give them up. But once they’ve learned to attach once, it’s actually easier for them to attach again. Chances are they’ll settle into their new home and bond with their new person even more quickly than they did with you.
3) I’m not special. This one is hard for me to remember, but it’s true. I’m not the only person who can take care of a dog, and I’m not the only person a dog is capable of bonding with. Something I think about when I’m meeting a potential adopter is: “Don’t sacrifice the good because you’re waiting for the perfect.” Very few homes are going to be perfect. You mainly want to consider: Will the dog be happy and safe in this home? Will the adopter be happy and responsible with this dog?
4) Every foster dog I have adopted out has ended up in a good home and is happy. Ask the adopters to keep in touch and send pictures. Knowing how upset I’ve been about every dog leaving, but then seeing how happy every one of them has become in their forever home, is incredibly comforting. I event have a lot of my fosters come back to visit me, and when it’s time for them to go home after our play date, they all happily trot off with their people and don’t look back. They aren’t pining for me. It’s slightly insulting but also really nice.
5) I have to let his foster dog go to make room for the next one. If I hadn’t let the last one go, this one wouldn’t have been saved.
It gets easier. I would never say it gets easy, but the rewards definitely outweigh the suck. You’re changing the world, and that’s hard work!”
The reality is, without our foster families, we could not do this life-saving work, and so every foster fail should be carefully considered. It’s important to think about why you are struggling with letting go of a foster dog, keep in mind that the vast majority of adopted dogs go on to live very happy lives, and you will get over it!
As seasoned fosters know, the best way to fill the void of a foster dog is by welcoming another who would have been dead without you.
